5 Easy Ways to Survive a Long Distance Relationship
“Be with me always - take any form - drive me mad! only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! it is unutterable! I can not live without my life! I can not live without my soul!” Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights
Let me tell you a little story: At the end of our graduation year, my boyfriend moved to a different city after he got a job and I moved to another for my higher studies. And thus began the insufferable long time which saw me get a job, he goes for higher studies and so on. Finally, after 9 years of excruciating pain that comes from a part of you missing and waiting, we tied the knot (funnily enough most of our friends said “FINALLY”).
“Real gold is not afraid of the test of the fire.”- Chinese saying
True love always finds a way.
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- Make a Long Distance Relationship Work
The following 5 tips will help you deal with a long distance relationship you are in and keep the romance alive.
1. Do Not Be Judgemental
“I was made and meant to look for you and wait for you and become yours forever.” Robert Browning
Paranoia is a part of any long distance relationship. Every little event creates havoc in your heart. Say she/he misses your regular nightly call cause of network problems. Instead of thinking of a practical reason why this happened, you tend to obsess over the fact that maybe this is the end and she/ he has does not love you anymore.
A long distance relationship can bring out the crazy in you. You cannot see each other or spend time with each other, so anyone who IS able to do so (as we learn from the social networking sites) becomes the sand in our eye. You had never been an overtly possessive person, but now every time she/ he hangs out with her/ his friends, the green jealousy monster threatens to raise up its ugly head and bring out the nasty in you. The young-ish girl wearing shorts may just be his cousin or friend’s sister or simply a friend and that does not mean the end of your relation. Save yourself all the drama, ask your partner.
Sometimes, staying away from each other might also lead to idolizing your partner. It is a human tendency (when in love) to shadow the flaws and remember the good. So, staying apart, you tend to do that more and her/ him not being in front of you makes it easier to do just that. Thus, when the next time you do meet up, they fall short of your expectations. This does not bode well for your relationship. So, do not over-think or be quick to judge. Be patient.
2. Do Not Over Communicate
“Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get—only with what you are expecting to give—which is everything."- Katherine Hepburn
Whereas it is absolutely crucial that you keep your communication lines open during this period, you should know where to draw the line. You might have a pre-determined time when you talk and share your day’s events and thoughts. This helps you to bond well. In order to do so, you need to know each other’s schedules and take into account the time difference between the places that you are staying. But do not overdo it.
Communication is the essence of any relationship. And it is a great way to show your appreciation of each other, especially in an LDR. But over communication is a way to kill the romance and brings up problems. Think practically.
Say, you are in a business meeting and your partner keeps calling you despite the number of times you telling her/ him where you are, how would you feel? She/ he feels the same way. Being busy does not mean that she/ he is taking you for granted. If you keep calling her/ him without purpose, there might come a time when the spark fizzles out and there is nothing to talk about.
You will end up responding half-heartedly as the conversation dries up and there is nothing worse than doing something out of habit and not because you want to. Do not force someone to pay attention and give you more time. This may also lead to resentment that can bring turmoil into your relationship. Trust your partner and have faith in the love you have for each other.
3. Do Stuff Together
"For the two of us, home isn't a place. It is a person. And we are finally home.”- Stephanie Perkins
Read the same books. Have movie nights where you watch the same movie at the same time. Cook the same experimental recipes simultaneously. Go bungee jumping in the same weekend. Then later discuss your views on these said books, movies or activities. This will give you a sense of being together and spending your time together.
There is an old Bengali saying that means that buttermilk cannot replace the taste of milk. We know this does not replace the true feeling of togetherness. But you have to make best of the situation you are in.
4. Set A Date For Your Next Big Plan
“No matter how many years pass, how much distance exists between us, wherever we are in the world – even if the universe itself tries to keep us separated – I will always find my way to you.”- Anonymous
The biggest pain that comes with a long distance relationship (apart from the heart-wrenching missing each other part) is the uncertainty of everything. So, go ahead and plan your next visit and all the activities that you are going to do together.
It can also be something that helps you towards achieving your happily ever after- look for apartments together, select and buy a car together, apply for jobs in their city, etc. You need to have these milestones so that your relationship keeps growing. Without these, you feel empty and a sense of floating through life without an end game.
5. Think of The End Game
"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."- Harry Burns, When Harry met Sally
All the Disney movies that you have gorged on since childhood and all the love ballads you have listened to and the Nicholas Sparks or Cecilia Ahern books you have read in your youth had made you a strong believer in Happy Ending. So, aim for yours.
In a long distance relationship when you have nothing but hope (love-wise), you need to have a way to keep that hope alive. Chalk out a short-term/ long-term plan together that shows to you that there is a possibility that one day you are going to be together and get your Happy Ending.
Share your visions, interests and plan your lives around that. You simply cannot float through life seeing how things pan out. You might be doing fine individually, but both of you have to be committed to the vision of “US”. It might be hard to take life-altering decisions but love conquers all. Take the leap of faith and start your Happy ending (a new beginning).
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