Tips For Coping With Gender Disappointment
Have you ever been in this situation? As you or your wife is in the delivery room in the last few moments of labor "push!", the doctor says as a head appears, "Congratulations! it's a ___". They say it even if you were expecting the other gender. Gender disappointment happens when you are caught off guard by the gender of your child.
This is likely caused by your dreams of either going to the ball game with your son or planning to do makeup and shopping with a daughter. Whatever the reason, Gender Disappointment happens, and here're some tips to cope with it.
1. Remind Yourself, It's Still Yours
You may get caught up in the plans, in the goals, in the things you wanted to do with your child as they grew up. But if you're in this situation, remind yourself that you and your partner have brought a new life into the world. Your new son/daughter is YOUR son/daughter. If you remind yourself of that then that should make it easier for you to get over the expectations you had, and instead focus on raising your child to be the best that he/she could be.
2. Carry On
Gender Disappointment, as I mentioned, is usually caused by the fact that you will probably not be able to do the things you wanted due to the gender of your child. But why should that stop you from being a good parent to them? Gender specific activities are simply a stigma of the modern day commercialism anyway, why can't you take your daughter to the ballgame? Why can't you teach your son to be fashionable? You can still carry on with the plans you wanted, you probably will just have to build them around what your child wants, because, in the end, it's about them. Isn't it?
3. Adjust Plans
Or if that's not the case, if you wish to keep with social norms, then simply make new plans. You made your previous expectations, why can't you start anew? It may be hard but if you aren't willing to be too edgy, then this may be your best option.
4. Talk It Out
Gender Disappointment can be a rather stressful situation. You may get frustrated, you may get angry, and though it is only natural to feel upset, trying to keep a leveled head and trying to talk out your frustrations can be a major stepping stone in the process of understanding why you feel this way, and how you will be able to stop feeling that way.
I can't stress how important this is; though I passed through this point before, I would like to restate the importance of loving your child, no matter what gender they are. Love them because they exist, love them because they are yours. If you were truly meant to be a parent then you will accept your child, no matter how they turn out. If you love him/her, your love should conquer even the feelings you have deep inside.