Get Rid of Self-hatred
Do you blame yourself for everything wrong or bad that happens in your life? Do you also blame yourself when good things don’t happen; when you fail at something or when you do not reach your goal? Do you find it hard to forgive yourself?
If you answered yes to more than one of those questions, chances are you’re caught in self-hatred or as some people would prefer to call it, self-loathing. Though there is no specific cause as to why some of us become a victim of self-hatred, the usual causes are bitter childhood experiences, parental/family pressure, or continuous discouragement in the past.
Self-hatred is not a mental disorder, but it certainly is not a good place to be in. So, can you do something to get rid of it? Definitely, yes!
Getting Rid of Self-hatred
Self-hatred is a habit that’s formed over the years and hence eliminating it completely from your life is a long process. However, when you start wiping out self-hatred from your system, you’ll see the positive effects soon enough. That’s enough to keep you going, till the time you replace every ounce of hatred with love. Let’s get started…
The first step in getting rid of self-hatred, or for that matter, for bringing about any positive change in life, is to acknowledge that there’s something that needs work. It is highly important to realize the problem and its consequences, in this case self-hatred. Understanding the effects of a problem can also act as a motivating factor, when you finally decide to walk in the direction of change and healing.
You are going to fix it
Okay, so now you know there’s a problem. What do you do next? When it comes to something like dealing with self-hatred, which is the accumulation of years and years of negative talks, low self-esteem, failures, dejection, and disappointments, it is extremely important to take things slowly.
Make up your mind to fix this problem. You have let it take a toll on your life for so long, but not anymore. Make a resolution to erase self-hatred, for good. Prepare your body and mind for this change.
Accepting Every Experience
Everything that has happened or will ever happen to you has to be dealt with. If you are going to be happy, you are going to be sad as well. If there are problems, there’d be solutions too. Highs will follow lows, joy will follow pain. As a human being, your life becomes complete only when you experience all of these emotions. Only that they come in different times for different people and in different forms. That’s the beauty of life.
Accept that life is not always going to be easy. Just like smooth roads don’t make good drivers, happy and positive experiences do not make you ready for life. There should and there will be a mix of everything, just the way it is for every other human being walking on this planet. You are no different.
Make the Change
Next time, when you find you talking negatively or abusing yourself, stop it. Do not get carried away by the negativity and do not give in to hatred. Instead, change your reaction to it.
Get your mind to reply to itself; to make it shut up. For instance, if your mind tells you, “You are such a loser. How could you let that happen”? Reply by saying something like, “Well, thanks for your feedback. Now watch what I do the next time”. And you will do better next time. Another way of stopping these negative feelings is to react with humor. Laughing it off is a great way of confusing your mind and to deter it from creating such negative thoughts in the future.
Seek Help from the Right People
Most often, people who are dealing with self-hatred do not let their closed ones know it. Please refrain from doing that. Let people, whom you love – your partner, family, and friends, know what you are going through, and how you feel. Have open heart-to-heart talks with them. It helps.
Another thing that you should do is seek professional help. This will lead to faster and systematic healing. A therapist will have given consultation to people like you in the past, they could feel your pain even more than your friends or family can. You can be completely open with them. Spending time with them will have extremely positive effects on your mind and soul.
Learn to Forgive Yourself
Self-hatred is also a result of being overly strict with yourself. You have punished yourself for every mistake you make. Now, try doing the exact opposite. Start forgiving yourself more. Understand that mistakes are bound to happen, no matter how hard you try to avoid them.
The only way to handle mistakes is to forgive them and move on. It can’t be changed. Perhaps, you did what you thought was correct at that point.
Indulge in Things you Like
Keep yourself busy doing the things you like. Especially when you know something bad has happened and you can’t seem to get it out of your head, drift your mind away from the negative emotions into the imaginary world of a book. Or listen to music, write, play a sport, draw, or do anything that gives you happiness. Life is meant to be enjoyed, do not fall short on that one.
Finally, Love Yourself
When you start doing the above listed things, you will slowly discover the love that was hidden beneath layers of hatred. You will finally realize you deserve to be loved. Always have.
That’s when you will have truly overcome self-hatred.
If you’d like to share your experiences of dealing with self-hatred, please do add them in comments below. We’d love to know your story.