4 Suggestions When God is Silent
For the past months, I’ve been through hell trying to figure out what’s going on with my life, the meaning of all the doors that had been shut and the message of struggles and rejections. I know life is tough but I never imagined that I would be pushed to a certain limit where I don’t believe in myself anymore, where my strong faith in God would be put into a dangerous test.
1. Moment after moment
My questions toward these adversities swung back and forth in the four corners of the house with no certain answers.Each day, I would gape at the opaque horizon, wondering why my life appears like a curse. I have a master’s degree in business administration with more than ten years working experience,an IQ of 110, but here I am, virtually jobless. No one wants to take me in, no one believesin my worth, my capacity, my skills. What’s wrong with me? Where’s God? Why He is silent?
Eventually, I developed hatred against myself and the environment I lived. I am ugly, I am undesirable, I am stupid. This country is miserable and composed of arrogant and egotistical employerswho judged the capability of a jobapplicant in just a 10-minute interview.
I’ve been battling with rejection forthe most part of my life. From employment, associates, to love and even friendship. For a time I thought a wicked fairy hadspelled a black magic onthe day I was born because each time I exerted effort to work out my goals everything seems not right.
It is absolutely tormenting but I am also aware that no matter how cautious we are with our actions, we would eventually experience rejection. It’s not that we are careless, insatiable or prone of making stupid decisions but rejection, just like acceptance, is part ofour existence, only that it connotes pain and mortification. But it is through pain also that we become more acquainted with our real selves, who we are, what we are up to, where we could fit in, and how we could transform our weaknesses into strengths.
However, despite this logical explanation about human life, still, the feeling ofremorse and anguish stuck in my system. I felt I had wasted years of my life chasing contentment and stability with unsuccessful result. I had exhausted all strategies to make a difference, still, nothing happened.Who would pick me up? Who would be used by God as an instrument to lift me from the pit of desolation?
Then one day, realizing I could never gain anything from absorbing regrets, I tried whisking my mind away from despair by enumerating the things I need to accomplish, the positive impact of leaving my painfully boring job and the several manuscripts I am currently writing for publication. Eventually, I recognized everything happened for a reason.The doors that had been shut, the job applications that had been denied, the connection that did not go beyond the parameter of friendship. These circumstances bound to happen to bring me to a place where I should be according to God’s plan.
4. God controls everything
Even time and the direction of our destiny. His judgement cannot be questioned for He knows what’s best for everyone. Life is wonderful and I don’t want to waste it spending in one corner agonizing over failed dreams. Today might be frustrating buttomorrow is another day of hope, another opportunity to reconstruct plans.Why I should feel bad just because God did not grant my prayers?
His wayscanbe incomprehensible sometimes but be reminded that when He is silent, He is busy devising a masterplan and would show this gift when the time is right. It might not be exactly the things we desperately longed but it would surely be the things we certainly needed at the moment. It might be delayed but trust Godfor His time is always perfect.