8 Ways To Be More Confident In Yourself

“The best way to increase self confidence is to do what you are afraid to do.” Unknown

Typically the belief is that you are or you are not confident. It is something innate. Some people might argue it is an inheritable trait like being tall or short. You either believe in yourself or you don’t, and there is nothing you can do about it.

I am not a proponent of this kind of thinking. I believe you are born with a set-point of confidence just like you are born with a set-point of happiness.Like happiness, I believe confidence, especially self-confidence, can be cultivated through practice and a necessary shift in perspective. It doesn’t just occur without work on your part, but it is definitely possible. I am living proof of that.

But how do you construct and infiltrate your being with more confidence? It will take more than just telling yourself to “see the positive side of life” or “be more optimistic.” It will necessitate a proactive approach on your part to focus on the beliefs, thoughts, and emotions which are steeped in love and compare them to their counterparts which are permeated in fear.

I have chosen to focus on the mind, and how it generates fear-based thoughts, beliefs, and emotions; it is the faith that you put into these thoughts, beliefs, and emotions which are the main culprit for a lack of confidence. In order to improve your self-confidence you need to improve your relationship with your mind.

1.  Determine Why You Lack Confidence in Yourself and Write Them Down

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Positive Affirmations for Confidence

The first part is quite obvious I know. But how many times have you taken the time to write down why you are so unconfident in yourself? Simply writing down why you shouldn’t be confident in yourself is a gigantic step.

This step allows you to visualize what fears and doubts your mind is creating about you and your ability to be confident in yourself. After reading your list you might be able to conclude that some of the fears and doubts are rational. Maybe not. Either way writing down the reasons you aren’t self-confident is important.

2.  Realize That Your Mind is a Separate Entity From You

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Positive Mind is a Healthy Mind

This might seem difficult to comprehend but I assure you it is true. Coming to terms with this realization will save you a lot of suffering and self abuse.

A major reason why so many people lack confidence in themselves is because they are unable to observe the voice in their head as just another voice. They assume it is their voice, and they take everything it says to heart. When this voice tells them how bad they are or that they aren’t enough or that they shouldn’t be confident in themselves, they believe it without question.

Separating yourself from this voice in your mind will help you to become more of an observer of your mind as opposed to someone who reacts to it. As you begin to notice and observe the flaws of this voice’s reasoning, than you will see that you aren’t as bad as the voice says.

3. Don’t Believe Every Thought That Pops into Your Head. Especially the Negative ones

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Obstacles in Your Mind

You have approximately 50,000-70,000 thoughts per day. Many of them are negative and very critical of you. It is best to not believe every single thought that your mind contrives.

Solely telling yourself that you won’t believe every thought is not enough. You need to observe your thoughts. Write down the particularly negative ones that the voice tells you. See if you can notice inconsistencies in what your mind is saying about you.

If you take this step seriously you will again recognize that you aren’t what the voice says you are. This will leave more time and space for you to take stock of the kind of person you truly are.

4. Replace Fear Based False Beliefs About Yourself With Authentic Beliefs Based in Love

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 Love Within is Love Without

There are basically two kinds of thoughts, beliefs, and emotions you can experience. Those imbued in fear and those imbued in love.

Your mind specializes in creating fear-based beliefs. These fear-based beliefs become entrenched in your mind over time and they are very difficult to uproot. These fear-based beliefs cause you to question the confidence in yourself, and they lead to a lot of pain and emotional instability.

In order to overcome these fear-based beliefs you need to work at dismantling them. It takes a lot of time and effort to observe thoughts and beliefs, which have been created over many years. But it is worth it when these same thoughts and beliefs impede your genuine self-confidence.

Your authentic love-based beliefs are there ready to be utilized. Your self-confidence gets obstructed by the fear-based beliefs that you may not realize existed. Writing down the fear-based beliefs your mind projects on you will help you demolish them for good, and it will free up room for your love-based beliefs to flourish.

5. Write Down a List of Qualities That You Love About Yourself or Things That You Excel at

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Start Practicing Self Love

Visualize what you love about yourself. If love is too strong of a word than focus on what you like about yourself. Being able to do this exercise will give you at least a little confidence in yourself.

When doubt creeps into your mind read over this list. It should give you an authentic confidence that you created.

6. Manage the Expectations You have for Yourself

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Achieve Your Goals

This doesn’t imply that you should short change yourself or take the easy road. It means you can’t expect the world from yourself. The voice in your mind might tell you otherwise, but only you know the level of expectations you can rationally accomplish

Self-confidence occurs when you achieve goals and objectives that you know are possible. If you are consistently biting off more than you can chew ask yourself why? Are you pursuing your own goals or is your mind insisting you need to have higher expectations for yourself? As you fail to reach your objectives than it is easier for the mind to question your abilities.

7. Embrace Failure and Adversity

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Gain Confidence From Failure

Failure is not permanent no matter what the voice in your mind declares. Fear of failure is not real because only your mind creates the idea of failure and only your mind constructs the belief that you should be afraid of it. In the same way, adversity can be viewed negatively or positively.

If you learn to accept adversity and forge a healthy relationship with it, you are more likely to be confident in yourself no matter what. Encountering challenges and difficulties makes you stronger especially when you have accepted that they are a natural part of life.

Many people lack self-confidence because they are afraid that they will fail. They are afraid that life is out to get them. They would rather not try because trying could turn out poorly for them. But what happens when you try? What if trying breeds the confidence that you need to succeed? You can’t try without rationally understanding that the end result might not go the way you planned.

As soon as you embrace these challenges with the perspective that you are going to gain something no matter if you succeed or fail, than you have no other option but to be extremely confident in yourself and the possibilities before you. Knowing that you can face failure and adversity without letting them control your life is the ultimate confidence booster.

8. Face Your Fears and Conquer Them if Possible

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Overcome Fear of Failure

As you establish why you aren’t confident, while recognizing the impact your mind plays on your lack of self confidence, than you can begin to face your fears. For example, if you lack confidence in public speaking or social situations put yourself in a situation where you can face those fears. Analyze the limiting fear-based beliefs your mind has created about this fear, i.e. caring about what other people think of you. You won’t know if this is a rational fear until you face the fear yourself.

If you muster up the courage to give a speech or openly engage with others at a party, you will probably quickly notice that your fears were irrational. As time moves on you might also observe that you enjoy the situation. This will breed more confidence in yourself and lessen the burdened weight of fear the mind has created. It will also arm you with the awareness to not put faith in the thoughts and beliefs your mind creates.

ByMike Oppland

Mike Oppland is a professional basketball player, basketball coach, life coach, teacher, and writer. He currently lives and works in Luxembourg. Mike is co-founder and co-director of xpertcoaching.com along with his twin brother Dan. He loves spending time with his family, friends, girlfriend Vera, and their dog Donald.

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