The Love Within is the Love Without

Whoever you are, however you are, you take that along with you in a relationship. If you are dissatisfied with yourself, you will carry the dissatisfaction in your relationship. If you feel incomplete within, you will continue to feel that void in your relationship. If you feel that someone else’s love will soothe your pain, you will constantly cling to your partner for that care and affection, further straining your bond.

1. Deal with the Emotional Side

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Overcome Stress

We often carry emotional and mental baggage in the hope that someone else (the lover) will come and unload the same for us. What we forget is that the lover often brings his/her mental and emotional baggage in this togetherness. Thus, with this pattern, we enter a relationship with a ‘want’ and the ‘desire to fulfill that want’. Both the partners then continue to stand at the receiving end. Often in relationships, I have heard people blame the partner or wanting to change the partner. It is taken for a fact that something is wrong in the partner and that’s causing the relationship to fall apart.

In my humble opinion, the problem is not in the relationship between two people. The concern is that these two souls are constantly acknowledging the problem in the wrong direction. It’s like one beggar accusing the other beggar for not having enough to give.

2. Practice Self-Love

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Start Practicing Self-Love

As individuals, be it in a relationship or not, we have our individual world that’s filled with guilt, shame, regrets, doubts, fear, anxiety and so on. These feelings often overshadow the strength we carry in the form of optimism, love, courage, grace, faith, peace, etc. As human beings, it almost becomes mandatory for us to get a close look at our lives and explore ways of getting closer to our Being.

It becomes an innate need to be at peace with ourselves, despite the situation or circumstances in our lives. When we leave this journey for someone else (a lover) to travel on our behalf, we begin to add more frustration not just in our bag, but also in the bag of our partner. Then there are some souls who believe in not helping themselves but giving their life for their lover(s). Even in the later situation, the end result is often frustration and the person sit backs (after years) wondering why isn’t he/she receiving anything in return.

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I believe that every lover’s true love is in the heart of his Being. The moment we begin a process of strengthening ourselves, unloading our mental and emotional baggage, and filling our hearts with self-love, that is when we begin a process of strengthening the relationships we are in. When we begin the journey of embracing ourselves, falling unconditionally in love with ourselves, we begin to realize that we are complete in our own Being, filled with love light and abundance. That’s when we become capable of entering in a relationship with love, abundance and fulfillment. It is then that we become a giver and not a beggar.

Changing your partner will not change who you are or the reflection of your romantic relationships. Wherever you go, you will always carry your ‘self’ within. Your relationship with your lover is often a reflection of your relationship with yourself.

 

ByShama Patel

Shama Patel is a Post-Graduate in Psychology, majoring in ‘Marriage and Family Counselling’ from Bangalore University. As a Psychologist, she has immense experience dealing with the problems faced by mature adults, confused teenagers, married couples, senior citizens, alcoholics,smokers, victims of domestic abuse and human trafficking.

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