4 Ways to Prevent Your Forgiveness from Becoming Your Foolishness
To err is human, to forgive is divine.
There is a lot to learn from this simple phrase we all have grown up hearing. We meet scores of people in our lifetime and happiness and sadness are integral parts of our life. We can neither remain happy forever nor remain sad forever. While we all want and strive for happiness, it is only when it comes to dealing with sadness and people who hurt us in some way or the other; that we falter.
We cannot control other people’s behavior. We are bound to get hurt by someone at some point of time. If we hold on to that grudge and hurt, we shall never be able to move past it and it will hamper our happiness. That is why some wise man said, if you want to be happy, learn to forgive and let go.
You should let go not because you are weak or the person who hurt you is sorry or not wrong, rather you should forgive for your own mental well-being. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong. Forgiving someone who caused you pain helps you put the incident behind and look forward in life. Holding a grudge will only hurt you as you will be constantly consumed by feelings of anger, hurt, pain and even revenge.
But just because you have decided to forgive, don’t let that be taken advantage of. While you may be or beginning to become a forgiving person, many might take this as a sign of your weakness. To forgive is one, but to forget and let your forgiveness not make a fool out of you, is an act that requires some conscious thinking and efforts.
Here are a few ways of how you can prevent your forgiveness from being taken advantage of :
1. Forgive But Don’t Forget
It takes a lot of work within one’s self to be able to forgive someone who hurt us. But does it mean we forget the pain that the person caused us? Forgiving is not equivalent to forgetting. You are forgiving someone because you want to put that incident behind you and lead a healthy, happy, joyous life. But you don’t have to necessarily forget.
While you do not need to be consumed by negative feelings which might hamper your day-to-day functioning, not forgetting an incident that caused you pain lets you be cautious of people and the trust you put on them.
2. Do not Trust Blindly
One major reason why we tend to get hurt over and over again is because we trust people blindly or a tad too early. Whether it is the new friend at the college or a friendly colleague, it is always better to be safe than sorry. So, take your time to know people before you place a bet on them.
3. Let Them Win You Back
Once someone has hurt you, you can forget about them, cut them off from your life and move on. Or you could choose to give them a second chance. If it’s a family or a friend that you cannot avoid and you have decided to give them another chance, don’t let them take your forgiveness for granted. If they are really sorry, let them win you over.
Make sure you voice out your pain to them. You need not be rude or aggressive, but can do it assertively and let the process take its own course.
4. Take Your Time to Heal
Yes, it’s important that you take your time to heal. Because if you feel pressurized or obliged to forgive but you otherwise don’t mean to, you will harbor negative feelings against those who hurt you. There are high chances you might become angry or frustrated at the drop of a hat and even take jobs or insult them in public. Hence, let forgiveness be a natural process. Forgive only when you are truly ready.
Many a time we forgive those who hurt us and it is taken for granted; but not if you are careful and cautious enough.