5 Important Factors of a Healthy Marriage
Each of us defines success in different ways, or that we need to redefine success to focus on what is important. One major area of success it is important to focus on is the success in long-term relationships. This is a major area of our lives and one with incredible highs and lows.
Being successful demands the same work and focus that being a star in your career does. It is hard work, diligence, consistency, and attention to your partner. It is worth reviewing a few tried and true areas that make certain relationships more successful than others.
1. Always Remember to Express Your Appreciation for Your Partner
It can be a note, a text, an e-mail, a call, or face to face conversation. When couples come for therapy and are assigned this as “homework,” this is always their favorite assignment. This is one they want to keep doing, as they need that reinforcement, they enjoy giving it to their partner, and there are many things they discover their partner notices and appreciates that they never knew.
It is a powerful exercise and a habit that makes a huge difference in couples that are connected and feel appreciated, and also those who feel quite the opposite.
2. Never Take Them for Granted
The “Thank Yous” should never stop, not even if someone does the same thing for you each and every day. If you would like them to continue doing it for you, continue to positively reinforce them, and continue to show their simple act of kindness the gratitude it consistently deserves. We should never be in a position where we feel entitled to a behavior by our partner, or where we start to expect something they are doing out of pure kindness. That littl
“Thank You,” really goes a long way, and it lets the person know that they are appreciated each and every time.
3. Lay Ground Rules for What You Need from a Conversation
Most men are wired to the want to fix things; they think that by you telling them a problem, you are looking for a solution. Most women are wired to be emotive and just want to be heard. This difference and misunderstanding is the cause of many fights and arguments that are exceptionally easy to avoid.
It is as simple as the wife saying, “I just really need to talk and be heard, and I am not asking you to fix anything, I just need you to listen.” You can almost see the partner's body relax, as they know the expectation of the conversation now, and they know they are not being counted on to fix the problem. They do not mind listening, it is just a miscommunication of what you have been wanting them to do with that information.
4. Strong Partners Treat Each other with the Respect They Deserve
They take turns listening and talking. They let the other person finish their complete thoughts and statements before they interject. They may not agree but they are willing to listen to them and understand that their partner’s thoughts and opinions are important to them. Many times, the sheer act of having the respect to hear each other out and trying to understand the other person’s point of view can settle an issue before it ever arises.
5. An Argument May Need Time to be Solved
They have come to realize that the truth of the matter is that walking away until cooler heads prevail might be the best thing they can do in the situation. Also, there are times it will not be resolved that night, but after a good night’s sleep, the issue does not seem as important as it did, or they are able to come back to it with cooler heads.
The one promise to keep in mind is that if you promise to come back to something, be certain you do it. If you both agree it was a silly argument, agree to let it go, and let it go for good. While these are just a handful of pieces of advice, they are a solid foundation for a successful relationship, and if you try using them in your daily interactions with your partner, you are bound to see a difference.
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