How To Handle Envious People
I'm writing this piece because someone that I know, who I'd rather usually not remember to be honest, recently sprung to my mind.
There's just this kind of people you know, wolf in sheep's clothing, that just dedicate their lives to ruin other people's existence. I find that really unconscionable at times. That someone would go out of there way to destroy the hopes and dreams of another individual, with absolute no remorse whatsoever, so that they may feel a little bit better about themselves.
Before we continue, what you have to know about me is that apart from being a network marketer and a health-nut in general, I'm also a training psychologist at the university here in Santiago de Chile.
What am I doing here? That's a story for another day I'm afraid. But anyway, because of what I study, I just have a natural interest in what makes people tick.
However, I must admit I am at a total loss to explain what motivates certain people to commit what I can only describe as sadistic acts—not just on a physical level but—much more common, on an emotional and psychological level. The damage inflicted can be irreparable. So it's always a good idea to be wary of who you actually let in your trusted inner-circle.
Psychopathy, narcissism, and sadism are three mental disorders that frequently overlap each other. Meaning it's not uncommon for someone to have all three at the same time for all three require a complete and total lack of empathy and compassion for other human-beings.
We all know people like that. Where you just say to yourself: this person just has something purely evil about them. At times, we ignore the signs because it's easier for us to cope with the otherwise bothersome or painful truth: that your “friend,” your relative, your lover, your coworker, whatever the case may, is not looking out for your best interests and might even be conspiring behind your back.
Most of the time these people aren't purely evil though; but what they most definitely often are is frustrated—frustrated with their own lives. If I can't be happy, no one else can: is the motto by which they tend to live by.
In their defense however, all of this is probably happening on an unconscious level. It doesn't make it less unacceptable though. But it's good to know if you manage to somehow, in the future, find forgiveness in your heart. You never know if that might happen or not. You might very well never get to that point, but who knows really. To be honest, I find myself still struggling to be the bigger man on some occasions. But what I learned is that things come with time. You can't rush them or force them. When you get there, you'll know.
Definitely forgiveness is for the strong. Although these types of individuals typically regard it as a form of weakness, to care, to worry for any human-being other than themselves. However, keep in mind that for any type of success in life being able to relate to others in any meaningful way is absolutely paramount.
Sure, you might be able to deceive and lie your way to the top. But prepare yourself for a life of constant fear of—being found out, losing the love and respect of your loved ones, being held accountable for your actions—and going out the back door.
Granted, you might not get caught but at what cost? Living a less than authentic life? No I don't think so, not for me at least. Life is too precious. And I want to know what it is to feel truly alive. And even if only knowing the simple pleasure of a woman's kiss, or the wind on my face, or even the smell of fresh-cut grass in the morning; I would have lived a rich and full life.
What You Should Do To Protect Yourself?
Give them less attention
If you suddenly part ways with them, it might make them even more determined to seek you out. The best solution, I find, is to keep being friendly but giving them slightly less attention.
Mark my words, this will strike-a-cord and you won't look as foolish or sensitive in front of others who may be watching. You keep your dignity while letting them know you're not going to have it anymore. On top of that, they'll get the message loud and clear that you're not stupid, and that you see right through their tactics.
And they won't be able to say anything bad either about you since you didn't over-react. It's a game of subtleties. Remember, they need to keep you close-by and bring you down a notch to boost their fragile self-esteem. Fighting them head-on is too big a compliment for these guys. In my experience, human-beings absolutely hate subtle indifference. It drives them crazy, especially these types of people.
Trust your gut
If something doesn't feel quite right, it's because something definitely isn't right. Trusting your gut-instincts is maybe the single most important weapon in your arsenal that you can have. Manipulators will typically try to make you doubt your instincts by accusing you of being too sensitive, harsh, or even mean to them. They'll turn the tables on you and present themselves as the victim and you as the aggressor. Don't fall for it.
Have an Inner-circle
Don't just let anyone get in there. Let people earn your trust first and then invite them in progressively. Isn't that how it should be anyway? It's certainly called an inner-circle for a reason. If anyone could become your friend, then what would be the point in even having an inner-circle in the first place. Anyway, the reaction of the group will tell you a whole lot—if you should trust this person or not. In the case that you don't actually have that many friends but more acquaintances, count that as your inner circle. The bottom line is surround yourself with people that make you feel great and most important of all appreciated.
