How to Forgive and Forget When it Seems Impossible
People say “it’s easier to forgive than to forget”, some say “I forgive, but I don’t forget” while others say: “I don’t forgive, neither do I forget” and the rest are just experts in forgiving and forgetting.
I understand that we’re all humans and sometimes, some events, incidents and encounters with certain individuals’ makes us agitated or just refuses to leave our minds.
In this article you will learn the principles and guidelines on how you can forgive and forget effectively.
1. Principles of Forgiving
- The definition of forgive simply is to “stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake”. To forgive someone, you need courage emotionally and spiritually. It doesn’t matter how bad someone might had offended you; I can tell you that the moment you make up your mind to forgive someone is the moment you set yourself free.
- When you forgive, you are not doing the other party any favor; you are doing yourself a favor. Holding a grudge against someone is like eating poison and expecting someone else to die. Now that is ignorant isn’t it? And most of us are putting ourselves in that trap unknowingly.
- Your heart must be transformed in a way that you begin to make excuses for people even when they step on your toes. Now this is easier said than done, especially if you’ve gotten your heart seriously broken by maybe a friend or family member you trusted, or a former spouse; we are all humans and we tend to get angry at people when they step on our toes especially in that kind of manner.
- To forgive effectively, you have to follow these 3 steps: Firstly, Acknowledge and replay the incident that took place, and the person who wronged you — think about the incident that broke your heart. Secondly, Acknowledge the fact that they are human beings and no human being is perfect. Lastly, Call yourself apart, maybe you want to lock yourself in a room to get this process done, Begin to think and say loving words towards that person, you don’t necessarily have to pick up the phone and tell the person that you forgive them; it is not about them it is about you. Say stuff like this loud and clear “I’ve forgiven you (mention their name(s)), I refuse to hold on to this pain, I hereby set myself free”. Then begin to look at yourself stepping into a whole new dimension of freedom, gain and happiness.
2. Principles of Forgetting
- The definition of forget is “to fail to remember.” When it comes to forgetting after forgiving, this is where most of us are facing issues, we don’t know how to forget that incident that triggers our agitating and sad emotions.
- The principle of forgetting after you forgive does’t necessarily means the incident has to be wiped away from your memory. Come on, we’re all humans and some events just will never leave our minds no matter how hard we try to get it out; it just won’t happen. Of course you have to remember one way or the other so that you don’t put yourself in the same position whereby you will be hurt again. You have to be wise.
- So how do you forget then? or how do you know you have let go from a wrong doer’s incident? The answer to this questions is another question I want you to think about. What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about the wrong doer or when you see them? Does your blood start running hot and you lose it? or your heart gets warm and you give them a beautiful smile? Think about it, If you get angry at the person when you see them, then you did not even forgive that person in the first place to begin with. But If you smile at them, you don’t even have to say hi “you are killing them with kindness” and that will say a lot of positive things about you. If you can do that, you are now getting a tangible hold of the principle of forgetting.
In conclusion, There is something called loving someone from a distance, the person doesn’t have to be your close friend any more, but smiling at them and being able to even like their activities on social media is an exercise that will strengthen your heart for love. ; Even if you are still close to that person, just be wise and avoid putting yourself into such position of getting hurt again. True happiness comes from within, be careful what you are putting in.